Looking back

Tomorrow I'm back at school. I just keep repeating it to myself, I can hardly believe that this summer is closing out. If I could have known that things would be so different by the end of August, my skills as a film tech, my people skills, even the way I feel about myself and my interaction with my craft and all the parts of it would I still have done it? Knowing how hard it was and how lonely it could be and how that would effect me, would I still do it? If I'm honest I'm not sure. Perhaps it was, in part, my naivete that helped get me through it, and I suppose if that's what it took to get me to the place I am now then all is well that ends well.

Now as this year opens up the nature of the question shifts; what am I going to do with the things that I've learned? This year is going to be a busy one for me. I'm working on a stop-motion film with Rhea Abbot, something that will be accomplished in my own time over the course of year. I have a full and interesting roster of classes, and I'll be doing work study as Hilary Neroni's TA. I'm also going to be working on the weekends downtown at Scribbles on Church Street. What I am going to try to do is keep the sense of balance that I was forced to attain during the summer, and to use my newfound skills to further my arsenal of abilities. I've also been keeping in touch with my Cnbc friends, and can't wait to visit some of them when I return to New Jersey for vacations etc.


If anyone who reads this blog needs to contact me please feel free to do so at cpagliei@uvm.edu

The last day at CNBC

As quickly as it's started, my internship is coming to a close today. What I'm left with is an unusual mix of feelings. In many ways this has been one of the most difficult summers of my life. Moving back home, to a part of the country that I never particularly meshed well with, was difficult. That, combined with the fact that I also didn't know anyone who lived here left me in a place that at many times threatened to become very lonely and dark. Yet I survived here, and even grew. If I am honest with myself, though the end result was me being more self aware and understanding who I am and what I want, it was an extremely painful experience at times. When I was young I would often awaken in the summer heat with growing pains in my legs, and this summer was quite like an unrelenting version of one of those nights. When I first got here I realized that this part of the industry is, day to day, mostly operational. There is little chance for creativity. The people I met here fall into two categories, either those who ended up here and stayed because of the stability, or people who were drawn here for some reason career or otherwise and then decided to stay. The latter group are those with whom I have become the closest to during my time here. Some are close to my age, some are much older, but they all seem to have in common the same enjoyment of their craft. It is from these people that I've learned the most important lessons.

One, even if you don't know what you're doing, fake it, and then backtrack.
Confidence is the key to pulling this off, if someone thinks that you don't think that you have the ability to execute a task then they won’t give you the time of day.

Two, people in this industry spend most of their day innundated by fakery and, if you'll excuse the term, bullshit. Therefore they can smell it a mile away. The most frequent comment I've gotten is that I'm different from other interns because I'm comfortable with the people that I work with on a personal level. One person said that it was really refreshing that I wasn't sharking out a job the entire time I was here. I was simply here to learn from the people that I met, and gain experience. Because I wasn't trying to impress anyone I ended up actually making friends with the people that I worked with. Sad as it seems, being real and frank is a rarity in this business and my natural inclination to do so sets me apart.

Three, ask questions. Ask a lot of questions! Everyone assumes you don't know anything, and frankly going into a new situation you don't, so take advantage of the fact that the people around you have experience and try to suck as much knowledge out of them as possible.

Four, have a sense of humor. Shit happens, and sometimes you end up in a bad spot, not taking yourself too seriously makes it easy to recover quickly from mistakes and to take something positive away from them. I learned a lot of technical stuff, which I'm not going to go into here, but I feel like all of that was secondary to the emotional stuff I learned.

So where am I now? I feel a lot more confident than I used to. To be honest I was pretty bored and apathetic about everything but theater and writing in high school and I only really came into myself during my college years. To stay within that environment (i.e UVM and the Burlington community) was very comfortable and I was terrified to return home to a place that I so intimatly related to feeling insecure. When got to Jersey I realized that in many ways I was defining myself in relation to the world around me at school. Being in a place where nobody knew about me and knew nothing of the place that I had been forced me to really solidify who I was and what I was about. I discovered something pretty important, I'm naturally pretty unusual. I might even go so far as to say weird. I literally don't think like anyone else I've ever met and for a long time I was concerned that this would be a detriment to my adult life. I was afraid that Burlington had gotten me used to a very different environment and that coming back to suburban New Jersey, the proverbial land of cookie cutter houses and copious hair-gel use, would awaken me to the fact that I was unable to function in normal society and was going to be doomed. Add on top of that the fact that I was going to work in FINANCIAL NEWS, a fairly conservative news media sector? I was pretty sure that I was screwed. However I was pleasantly t. The fact is, companies are desperate for people who can think differently and are interested in being proactive, you just have to learn the lesson of self-marketing. This isn't being some sort of jerk who is convinced of their own importance, but rather knowing your strengths and weaknesses and learning to play them towards the needs of the issue at hand. Once I figured this out I realized that I could do anything I wanted to! It's kind of exhilarating actually.

I've got to get back to the shading department and make sure the newscasters don't look green in the face, but I will probably do a retrospective entry at the end of the month of August, but I'm driving up to Vermont tomorrow so you may have to wait a while for it. As for tonight, I think the CNBC folks and I are heading to the bars. Until later!

Number 13, avid possibilities, and Two Nicks, a girl, and an international business news cable channel.

12, thoughts on public vs private self

Something a little different.

Staging, jib, and robocam lamentation and exaltation

A pot of coffee will give you superpowers. Apparently.

Australians, Playback, and Yes, I know that I talk fast.

Number 7: In which Chris feels tired and bummed out big time.

I'm sorry I seem so off in this one. I've been sleeping really badly and New Jersey has been bumming me out.

How long till I go back to Vermont?

Star Trek, and Entry #6

Today was the typical day at the Station.
I stared at the play-out box for 8 hours, ran flashcam and got to watch a certain not to be named newscaster spit food out into his hand before returning from a commercial break and then PUTTING IT BACK IN HIS MOUTH AFTER THE SEGMENT. I did however get to hear tell of an indecent when, upon someone informing this same newscaster that he in fact had mayo IN HIS HAIR, to which he replied "Oh...can you get it out for me?" Apparently he wasn't trying to be a jerk, he's a nice guy, he just has um...food issues.

As I type this I am watching Star Trek, they're playing poker and Data is wearing a visor, which deeply amuses me.

I'm getting frustrated with my level of energy. I really wanted to get some serious writing done this summer. Yet, when I come home, even though I do nothing but observe operations at CNBC, I feel mentally exausted. I feel drained and I just simply can't write. After working at the restaurant for 12 or 13 hours I am so physically drained when i get home that all I can do is sleep. I had so many hopes for the summer, but they seem to be a wash. I think that I am going to stop trying to force myself to write. I feel like I just keep guilting myself for not writing which keeps me from actually doing any writing that's worthwhile. The little that I've produced since I've gotten home has not been my best work.

I need to take time to relax and that's all there is to it I think. I keep trying to push myself harder and harder and it's only making things worse. Maybe I need to just accept that I AM pushing myself pretty hard right now and take what little time I do have for myself to relax without guilt. Maybe that will get things moving in this thick skull of mine.

I feel optimistic about this change in attack.

Why doesn't the Enterprise have any seat-belts? That's pretty low level tech, and they are always hitting Borg cube turbulence or something. Maybe they have some sort of future-suction to adhere them to the seats?

I suppose that's all for now.

Employment, and no I am not on my way to the cure concert, that was last week.

Not fired yet!

NUMBER THREE: They let me push buttons HOORAY!

Why am I dressed like a librarian?

First Day at Tech Ops...